Pay No Attention to that Man Behind the Curtain!

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IMG_6823We come together and we share. We try to allow a little peek behind the curtain.  Not too much, as we need to be careful.  Are you to be trusted?  Are you kind? Are you going to try to see more?  Why do you want to poke around there behind my curtain?  I don’t trust you.  How about you just sit there and sip your tea.  Stop asking questions. Maybe we could just sit here together.  And not say so much.  Maybe I could just look into your eyes and see what kind of person you are.  It is quiet now.  You sip your tea.  Okay.  I will share some more.  Could you please try to be careful?  Could you try to not say anything this time?  Could you try to just be quiet?

If it is safe, I will be much more apt to share again. If you accept me, and can look at me now and see me, if you can look at who I am right now, and not point out all the things we could fix, or change, if you could just be a mirror, and say nothing. That would help.

I am well aware of the entire scene behind the curtain.  I have not been hiding from it.  I am just waiting for a safe place to sort it out.  I don’t really want to do it alone. And I don’t want someone to do it for me. I just need a place where I can pull back the curtain and spend a moment assessing what is there, without judgment.

You’re smiling now.  You enjoying your tea?  I will give you the benefit of the doubt and I will hope and pray once again that you love me, and you are not just trying to win a game.

I can see I have over stepped my bounds time and again.  I have hurt you when you opened up to me.  As I sit here and watch you, I think how strong you have become.  I do not want you to pull back that curtain.  Only if you truly trust me and know how deeply I love you would I want to be allowed to know what you have stashed back there.  It is okay with me just to be in your presence. I only want to love you.  And I already find you beautiful. Help me to be all you need and want in a mom.”

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